What happens when you fail to reach previous heights?
Can achievements hold you back?
Abstract
Following ‘What achievements should you celebrate?, on the point of comparison being the ‘thief of joy’, I thought of another dynamic which could be explored. Instead of comparison against others, which the phrase traditionally refers to, what about comparing yourself to yourself?
Funnily enough, there are many similarities which are shared when comparing a version of yourself to your current self and comparing to others. Interpreting the phrase in this way uncovers a shared experience which has the ability to linger on the mind of a person.
Well, what do I mean by that? In this thought-piece, using my personal experience, I will be delving into the state of mind of a person who looks to build upon their past heights which unknowingly serves as an ephemeral base, & explore its dangers when a height steals your time, focus, and energy.
Discussion
Note: In this discussion, when reaching heights of extraordinary points of achievement, these will be referred to as ‘highs’. I have categorised ‘highs’ as milestone and emotional as to explore it in depth.
What’s more difficult to move on from: milestone highs or emotional highs?
In this discussion, I will attempt to define them in the best way I can, based on my experiences and compare and contrast the challenges they present.
Firstly, milestone highs. I see milestone highs as ones defined by people other than yourself as extraordinary. Would you say obtaining the highest GCSE grades amongst your year group is an emotional high or milestone high?
In my case, it was a milestone high rather than an emotional high, as I did get the best academic accolade available at the time. However, me knowing that I will progress to a sixth form with higher overall academic attainment, and it being during the Covid period, meaning I did not take actual exams, perhaps took away it being an emotional high. Not only that, but actually picking up results was underwhelming, as in my head I envisioned being able to share that moment in school with friends, which was taken away due to Covid also.
Aside from this, as a moment in time, looking back, I was not necessarily jumping for joy by getting such an accolade as I knew I was capable of achieving it. But it would be arrogant to say I knew I was getting the highest total GCSE grade, because I didn’t. At most, I had visualised being in such a position, facilitated by my work ethic and with a clear view on what the next steps were after GCSEs.
But what about when the next steps to take are not so clear; outside of education, outside of any formalised structure, meaning it is up to you what path you take?
When listening to Jordan Schwarzenberger’s podcast, Unboxed, with Ben Doyle, I had a fascinating realisation of the commonalities of his experience alongside one of my own, which I will discuss later.
Ben Doyle is co-founder of After Party Studios alongside YouTube sensation Callux, and also a director. However, his journey to working with the biggest brands through production is one I found inspiring.
At 17, he got his foot into the door working with YouTuber Callux, to which after a year, they started After Party Studios. This led to his rapid progression by collaborating with members of the popular UK YouTube group, Sidemen.
At 21, he achieved the immense feat of making a feature film for one of the UK’s biggest YouTubers KSI, called ‘Can’t Lose’.
To put this into perspective, filmmakers who have taken the conventional route, unlike Ben, sometimes never successfully make a feature film; those who take a bachelor’s degree in a film-related course such as cinematography, develop their skills and experiences, and develop a portfolio of projects such as short films.
Ben achieved something he thought would be the greatest achievement of his life.
Whilst watching the results of the film, the hype, the excitement, and the anticipation for its reaction is one that a filmmaker would live for.
Furthermore, throughout his time making this film he unconsciously became a self-taught director simply by filming and asking KSI questions whilst documenting his life.
Despite this, he says: “Making a feature film at 21 should come with a warning.”
He needed to stay in the high and it was a moment he aspired to supersede.
But he wasn’t equipped for such a milestone to happen at the time. Due to lack of experience, there was nothing he could do to replicate this milestone and reach that level again, let alone better it.
Alongside this, without the past failures to understand the magnitude of his achievement from his own perspective, he spiralled into chasing an improved feat in order to get the same high. This led to an unrealistic expectation with his next projects - that everything from that moment had to be better than before.
In the moment, he did not realise that this was impossible. In the entertainment industry, a subjective industry, there is no single route in order to make the next project better. There will always be good projects and bad projects. The reality was that not everything he does would compete with the thrill of making a feature film at 21. Sometimes it wouldn’t even come close.
In the podcast, he depicts his journey of self-reflection with the help of a therapist, and at 24 is at the helm of After Party Studios, leading production sets alongside huge UK personalities and large clients including Netflix, Sky and JD. From the 21-year-old filmmaker, it would be difficult as an observer to identify a singular high in which Ben has surpassed the high of the KSI feature film. But no two highs are the same. It was an experience which exposed him to a process of filmmaking, which facilitated this vision of being unique and inspiration-driven, which has led him to having a now consistent, high-production standard at After Party Studios.
This links back to a key theme looked at in my previous post; defining and putting things in your own terms. What you deem as a high in a particular moment constantly changes depending on what you view as an achievement, which brings me onto emotional highs.
I see emotional highs as experiences which have fulfilled a desire or experiencing lasting satisfaction after working on something.
In completing the Youth STEMM Award, I conducted an assembly on STEMM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics, and Medicine) for Year 6 students at the primary school I attended.
Of course, there is no expected age in which public speaking is performed or taken up. It is something that people fear due to their pre-conceived perceptions on it, paired with some uncertainty, distracting them from the purpose of them talking. It was just a new experience.
This was my mindset in preparing to talk in front of around ninety students, whereby the opportunity excited me more than anything. It went amazingly well due to my preparation, passion, and affiliation with the school which allowed me to effectively engage with the students.
But the moment itself sunk in when I finished the presentation. My former primary school teacher for Year 4 and Year 6 praised me for the presentation itself, but also highlighted that most adults struggle to do what I did. Looking back, it was my pure focus and passion that almost eradicated the off-putting perceptions of public speaking surrounding it.
However, reflection of the experience presented the double-edged sword: I was inspired to replicate this feeling in the same way. This was impossible to achieve and I was bound to fail in this pursuit; I failed to identify a realistic alternative to such an experience I gained from my preparation, delivery, and the subsequent impact I created.
By recognising pretty quickly that I would not be able to replicate such an event in the same way crushed me momentarily. I was ecstatic at what I had done, but entering into a new sixth form meant my freedom to replicate and reach such a similar high again was limited.
Being under the illusion that I needed to get back into the same frame of mind, reciprocate my energy, passion and focus into another topic, tirelessly ate away at me for a long time. It brewed frustration and overthinking on variables I could not control.
All I wanted was to build momentum on the emotional high itself.
Looking back, building off a high is never sustainable. There will always be things outside of your control that prevent you from maintaining it; the reason foundations of anything are so important. Like Ben, I did not have the foundations or exercised such a skill repeatedly, leaving me with a massive chasm in my development and understanding of public speaking. I momentarily leapfrogged the chasm by giving a presentation on such a large scale as compared to giving a group presentation in front of thirty people I know.
This wasn’t the problem though. The substantial leap driven by raw passion and naivety is where the high was situated. It was what made the moment special. The flaw was my inability to accept that no high can be replicated.
I found it difficult to let go of not being able to do something to reach that high again or even surpass it. Despite this, the thought of not being able to do a presentation/assembly like this again still lingers today, even though I know there never be a first time again. But I have learnt to accept this.
Essentially, I have improved my ability to remain in the present. It is providing closure to thoughts which allows you to move on; you can self-reflect and not move on from the past or still be stuck in anticipation for the future.
In a paper by the American Psychological Association, a study was conducted on how being in present opposed to being in the past/future affected happiness and satisfaction. A point I found interesting and resonated with me was ‘negative rumination’. This refers to the tendency to think repeatedly about negative information. Retrospectively, my experience of conducting my assembly on a topic I was enthusiastic about, at my primary school to ninety students in the immediate case was a wholesome, heart-warming moment. However, the illusion that I could replicate such a feat, ate away at the exceedingly positive experience. Perhaps the root of that illusion was just my ambition, one that I wanted to fulfil too quickly, although looking back I should have just appreciated the moment as it was.
Overall, both types of highs, milestone and emotional, have the ability to hold you back mentally. You cannot definitively judge which one holds you back more, but a thought I would argue is that milestone highs have the ability to anchor you significantly longer. At the root of this is the accessibility you have to being able to replicate and envision such a high, in which you cannot do so with emotions. After attempting to replicate a milestone high, if objectively on your own terms you fail to reach it, you can feel inadequate and somewhat of an imposter in what you have already achieved.
On the other hand, emotional highs are more subjective as it depends on how you frame an experience. Furthermore, a danger with milestone highs is its ability to be made an identity, as opposed to emotional highs, which are able to blindside you to future reasoning. Looking back to my experience, my emotional high was behind my frustration with the circumstances I found myself in at the start of sixth form.
However, this frustration utilises energy, which I have attempted to channel to positive experiences. I have found ways in which to support younger students in order to reignite and maintain the passion and energy I have in teaching others and learning in the process. For example, since starting sixth form in 2021, I continue to volunteer at a nature reserve in which I uptake the responsibility of maintaining a space for primary school children to learn about the environment they live in. As a person passionate about the environment, I find this extremely fulfilling every time I help out.
In addition, I recently made a two month series on LinkedIn talking about degree apprenticeships in order to help prospective apprentices have insight I did not have prior to applying to degree apprenticeships.
This has taught me that there is always a way in which you can include your passion as a part of your life and there is no single way to channel your passion.
Conclusion
You can learn from both types of highs, but a milestone high offers a better ability to recuperate the high itself, as it is a more tangible concept in nature. But remember, two highs will never be the same, and the aim is never to replicate a past high.
This is because, both types discussed will intertwine in most cases. For example, it may be case that a milestone high also becomes an emotional high based on how people around you react. This is seen with the euphoric experience in celebration parties, receiving awards, etc.
The writing above does not presume that the two types of highs are overtly distinct, but rather that an experience leans on one type more than the other. On that note, some words of wisdom (I think):
If you resonate with the feelings discussed, always remember that there are great things ahead for you. As you continue to excel and grow as a person, you will have highs far better than the ones you’ve had already. Try your best to stay in the present and continue to strive on.
Every time you reach a high, you uncover abilities you did not previously realise you possess. Remember that you should aim to nurture these abilities rather than feed the immediate urge to reach a new high. To do this you must define the targets and goals you want to achieve in order to ensure you remain in the present and be forward-looking.
This is encapsulated by Ben Doyle when sharing his journey of self-reflection: “Your ambition should always just outstrip your ability.”
P.S.
In case you didn’t know, I’m not a qualified psychiatrist. It would be a lot more complex to explore the relationship between emotional and milestone highs as there would be countless situations and circumstances to consider. So don’t take my points too literally and try suing me; it’s a thought-piece. 🤝
If you would like a research piece on this any of the topics discussed, let me know. Also reach out if there are topics you like to discuss. Is there another type of high you can think of? - Other than drugs. 👍🏾
When people say they miss the ‘good old days’, is there any points in the discussion you think relate to this, or is it merely an innocent cliché?