Abstract
From young, our achievements are defined by others. Parents, teachers, and society. Whether it be grades, learning a new skill successfully, or being of service to others, we build perception of what is good and bad alongside what should be celebrated and frowned upon.
However, as we get older and mature, we subconsciously abide by these standards and conventions, until mostly in our teenage years and approaching adulthood, a tension occurs between our interests and what is expected of us. This is not to say an outright disobedience of what we know, but there is a thrill associated with breaking rules: ‘Rules are meant to be broken’.
Often rules dictate how we behave and the parameters at which we can challenge our boundaries. In the general case, these mean well, whereby depending upon the standards expected of us, these ensure we remain on the straight and narrow.
But have you thought about rules we make for ourselves? There is a struggle that we do not talk about, one in which we create invisible rules in our head based on the existing rules placed on us, and occasionally we think about them without paying too much attention to them.
One of these invisible rules are the achievements we celebrate.
I discuss their relation in this thought piece which aims to trigger self-reflection.
Discussion
Invisible rules and achievements defined from external sources can provide a basis for drive towards a target, goal, or milestone. That is what many have been raised on and have been successful in understanding which has got them in the position they are in today.
However, invisible rules and achievements as fuel for drive vary from person to person. Some use them as a source of fuel until they have graduated from university, some until they land their ‘dream’ job, and for some that fuel runs out in school.
The bigger picture though is that this fuel runs out. It is not meant to sustain you for your whole life. ‘External’ sources. They do not provide you with a personal purpose but rather define you in the eyes of others and you then act towards what is expected of you, causing you to go autopilot with how you lead your life.
A prominent example of this concept of the fuel running out is highlighted by the significant reshuffling of employees which took place after the Covid-19 pandemic. The pandemic itself was a substantial amount of time for reflection, which many did not have the opportunity to do prior.
Record number of employees quit their jobs during the Covid-19 pandemic, primarily in the United States. In the US, 47 million quit in 2021 and another 50 million quit in 2022, with the number of US employees leaving their jobs returning to pre-pandemic levels by May 2023. This is known as the Great Resignation. To put this into context, the previous record of US resignations was 42 million in 2019, meaning 3.5 million employees quitting each month, whereby only 10 years prior, in 2009, approximately 1.75 million employees would quit each month. Half of 2019’s figure.
It is impossible to isolate the cause of this to one factor, as this will have been caused by a plethora of socioeconomic considerations. However, a significant driver behind the resignations during Covid were less fuelled by such considerations, but rather by personal work preferences.
There has been a fundamental disconnect between employees’ needs and employers’ policy. In an article by McKinsey & Company, they describe the importance of purpose in keeping workers productive and retaining them. Again, returning to the point of personal purpose, employees in various stages of their career had the opportunity to reflect on their work life, especially with the introduction of hybrid and flexible work. Many employers have quickly clamped down on these major restructurings to return to the traditional way of working, leaving many dissatisfied.
An element of this is workers feeling encouraged and empowered to define work on their own terms.
This relationship between employers and employees reciprocates the relationship we have with defining achievements, whether they be from external sources or by ourselves. PwC’s survey adeptly describes how workers want to take ownership of their roles and careers and describing what really matters to them.
To put this into the context of school and university, this should serve as a warning. ‘The Great Resignation’ as a phenomenon is an example of where not defining and acting on what matters to you leads to inevitable dissatisfaction, and possibly significant career restructuring leading to daunting uncertainty. In the circumstance of being a student, the freedom to wake up one day and decide to change your life is in most cases unforgiveable. School and university equip you with the methods and skills to learn, alongside a springboard in certain subject areas, to which you can choose to explore further. Hence, it cannot be disregarded in such a way.
As Nelson Mandela said - “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”
But what a student can take from this is to use the opportunities that are given to you to create your own targets, goals, and milestones. The circumstances are that you are a student, and this provides you with a loose framework as to what you can achieve. You have the freedom to decide what your achievements are.
Grades, extra/super-curricular activities, sports are the usual examples in which you can define your own achievements.
But a risk associated with this is a toxic one. Some may say that doing better than last time is an achievement, whereas others may say, if you are not the best at something then there is no achievement present. In addition, by not being the best at something and still being congratulated on your effort by a teacher, friend, etc., one may view that congratulations as patronising.
In the case of grades for example, doing better than last time may not be an obvious achievement, for some, as they are fixated on comparison against others rather than their own performance. This is something that is brewed throughout your academic life, in which most times, aiming to be better than the next person would actually benefit you with regards to your grade. So, it’s not all bad then, right?
Have you ever wondered why some teachers actively nullify the extent at which you can compare marks on a test to your friends? They might tell you not to leave your seat and will give the results at the end of the lesson, others will let you compare and correct your answers for a whole lesson. In less overt ways, a teacher may even hold the paper for months to the point where the mark doesn’t hold as much significance and the excitement over the test has diffused.
Could it stem from the perspective that comparison is the thief of joy? You may think this could be just to keep the students focused, to conceal poor performance of students, or to teach us a lesson, of… patience?
No, this is not an epiphany I have had when casting my mind back to secondary school but rather me trying to put a thought into perspective.
The thought I have is that when comparing grades, marks, etc., there is an element of ‘comparison is the thief of joy.’ But not in the way we think. Initially, I thought about the immediate consequence; you not doing as well as a peer and that making you feel inferior alongside other emotions. While that is completely valid, a part of avoiding being that person who feels inferior is acceptance. Acceptance of strengths and weaknesses depending on the context; could be in education or an activity, but more significantly acceptance that you are on your own path to success.
This idea of acceptance was an element of a mindset shift I had going from secondary school to sixth form. It developed my maturity; it allowed me to detach more easily from failures and successes, so as to not allow them to define me or dictate what I do.
I call it ‘invisible competition’.
I went from obtaining the best GCSE results in my secondary school to a school in which getting the best academic attainment as a sole focus was not a feasible goal.
I knew this before I stepped foot into my sixth form.
As a person who was aspiring to push my boundaries and my limits in order to develop, I moved school in order to get a new challenge. New environment, new people, and a school prided on academic excellence.
Although I hadn’t seen tangible evidence, before I stepped into my sixth form I knew that my GCSE grades were the best in my old school but are not to be compared to some who I will sit alongside. I was sure that there would be students with all 9s (A*), but this did not discourage me. Thankfully for me, it was blatantly an incomparable feat, as my circumstances to getting the GCSE grades I got were completely different and unrelated to the students who got the maximum grade for the GCSEs they took. Not only this, but I knew that everyone is in the same position with regards to starting a new milestone. Those grades would mean very little when we start learning something completely different.
By thinking this way, I successfully detached getting the best GCSE grades from myself. I also successfully distinguished what I termed as my own success, against those who objectively attained higher grades.
‘Invisible competition’ was a mindset that grew from this.
It is the idea that there is someone out there that is always doing more than you.
You might wonder, ‘but I thought the point was that you should not compare yourself to others?’
That was exactly the point. But by having the competition not so overtly defined, I do not term it as comparison per se. For example, I know no matter what I do, there is probably someone doing specifically what I’m doing in a specific area, at a younger age, at a higher standard, etc. However, this doesn’t mean I just stand like a lemon and do nothing. Obviously, I do not know what that person’s life is like, so the only thing I do know is that it would be silly to compare myself to them. I have only seen a microcosm of their life.
As a result, there is absolutely no pressure on what I choose to do and define as an achievement. The exact same applies with social media. It is almost guaranteed that you would see someone who resonates with your circumstances in one way or another; their age, background, interests, etc., and you wonder why you are not at their level or position.
But what is important is catch and check yourself. Social media epitomises the perfect life where sees fit, and that is what you consume.
However, just like with comparing grades in school. You are not to blame for this instinctual reaction. It is the nature and structure of school and could possibly be a case of a mindset passed on by your parents.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t aspire to be the best in the class, but this should come from you wanting to be the best version of yourself.
Being the best version of yourself is beating the ‘invisible competition’, because when you are at your best, you are boundless in your success and potential.
Conclusion
So, should you celebrate getting the best grades amongst your class, school, etc.?
No. That is a misconstrued perception of achievements. You do not gain meaning from the grade itself.
It shows that you are capable.
So…
What you should be celebrating and gaining joy from is the journey in getting to such a point.
If you didn’t revise for a test, yet you got the best or one of the best grades, yes, you have the bragging rights, but be honest. Are you challenging yourself enough?
It is not a point applicable to every test, as if it is universally easy, then there is no way you could challenge yourself further, right?
Well what other areas of your life did you improve or sacrifice in order to attain this? Essentially, those should be the grounds for your metric of success, as your standards across different areas of your life shouldn’t be lower than the ones that you have reached. Being satisfied with where you are and benchmarking yourself against others warrants no progression. Benchmarking yourself against others with regards to goal-setting and being satisfied with where you are does not define progression.
Rather you should be liberated with the freedom to define your achievements with the framework your circumstances have given you. That is the root of ‘invisible competition’.
It may sound like an oxymoron, I know. Or maybe you half get it. But I encourage you to explore the opportunities your circumstances have provided you and recognise there will always be a framework. As you get older, every commitment you have becomes increasingly higher stakes as time gets scarcer and your circumstances warrant a tighter framework.
Therefore, setting milestones, goals and targets should encourage you. Self-defined achievements should provide assurance of your potential, and in return provide you with exciting aspirations and intrigue for the future you have ahead of you.
P.S.
Do you agree and what are your thoughts on achievements? What are some invisible rules you can think of?