What does success look like?

Is success an end-goal or a part of life?

Abstract

When portraying success as a definitive end-goal, you may notice that your outlook on it continues to become more sophisticated as time goes on, and you may possess the ability to simplify its meaning in your own words.

This comes as a result of a vast number of influential drivers, such as your values, experiences, and changing circumstances. Simultaneously, you develop a framework of what you believe success looks like and should be.

Consequently, some envision a future where they have ‘made it’, but the innate uncertainty with the future as well as a lack of consideration for how they will reach this point, only motivates them towards an unforeseeable path of success.

On the other hand, when reflecting on the past, would you say something was a ‘success’? Rarely, do people use the word ‘success’ critically, where it is usually a guise for unchecked optimism relating to a past experience, and therefore a word used when aspects of an activity are not investigated in detail.

This brings about the idea of elements of success, where in this thought-piece we explore how our outlook on the word ‘success’ has developed and continues to do so.

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

Discussion

Our personal definition of success is flexible and adapts continuously, and is more of an intangible concept, so we will start with its dictionary definition as a basis for further discussion.

The Cambridge Dictionary defines success as “the achieving of the results wanted or hoped for”.

What I find interesting here is the use of past tense, as if success is something you can predict. Most commonly, what I have found is that this is the way it is used, however ‘success’ can be used in reflection or can be used actively.

For example, to say something was/is a success is you using success in reflection, and to say you are having success in doing something is you using it actively.

One point I wanted to focus on though is that people try to pre-empt success. If I were to look deeper, I would raise a point:

What you currently envision success to be would only be success to you in that present moment, with your current set of beliefs and circumstances.

If circumstances change, your definition of success may also change.

Therefore, in the following discussion, ‘success’ will be looked at through two different perspectives: aspirational and attainable success. The aim here is to appreciate success as a continuously developing concept.

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Attainable and Aspirational Success

When in primary school we may term small things or moments as successes/achievements, e.g. getting praise from a teacher, getting an award, or simply being chosen to have a little bit of responsibility.

This means we have been successful in fulfilling a personal aim.

Here, success is used interchangeably with achievements and what I noticed is that as we get older, we begin to frame success more as an end goal, rather than highlights in a bigger goal.

One may argue that the concept of success is intangible and at a young age, such consideration could not be done to a satisfactory level. However, the point is not in knowing what success means/looks like, as that is different for everyone, it is the framing of success in terms of it becoming a distant concept rather than something we can work towards in the short-term.

We can only feel gratification if we simply appreciate present moments.

Why I raise this is because we struggle to maintain meaningful connection and purpose with these moments and our path of success.

An example to put this into perspective is our motivation to create new habits and maintain self-discipline. This is only so difficult due to our inability to firmly attach to the value a habit can add in the pursuit of our goals.

If we can have clarity on how adopting a new habit can assist us in reaching where we want to be, the friction between conflicting thoughts on whether you are using your time right is significantly reduced.

One source of this friction is within the perspective on success being an end-goal.

A relatable visualisation of this is trigonometry.

Aside from whether you had in interest in it or not, it was clear that for majority of people, it is something that they will never use in the real world. This is a key feature of success being viewed as an end goal, where the practicality of applying these concepts still makes people fixate on their application, rather than the long-term personal development aspect.

Away from the views of studying mathematics in society and simply the grade aspect, there are key benefits that it presents.

This is in relation to neuroplasticity, which refers to the brain’s capacity to continue growing and evolving. What various studies have found is that maths enhances brain development, enabling you to improve memory and problem-solving.

This is an indirect advantage mathematics can provide when learning in different disciplines, whereby a fortified view of success being an end-goal diminishes our patience in receiving the benefit.

A more apparent benefit is the discipline and resilience required to build confidence in mathematics, which aside from education is a key life lesson in various walks of life.

Specifically in trigonometry, which was abstract to majority of our goals at the time of learning it, as the questions increased in difficulty, that discipline and resilience could quickly wane away.

As these benefits were passive in relation to our goals, it is easy to dismiss them and continue to seek activities which provide succinct benefit towards achieving our goal/idea of success.

This brings me on to goal-setting, but more specifically from the view that reaching a certain goal would deem a person successful.

How often do you hear someone reaching an ambitious target/goal only for them to be content? They are surprised at how they feel in comparison to how they perceived the achievement to feel prior to completion.

This is where appreciating the journey towards your goals plays a role.

This is because, we fall for the misconception that success only refers to an end goal, and if you aren’t a success, you are a failure.

Similar to success, it takes for you to acknowledge that you can have multiple failures and still be a success. It is not as definitive as a ‘be all and end all’.

Further, you ‘have’ failures and successes. You are not defined by a single failure or success.

There is always balance, and on one hand, one may fear recognising their successes as they feel it may slow their momentum to the next goal.

However, appreciating the journey should serve as a reminder of where you started and how far you have come, supplying motivation, and supplementing your discipline rather than making you comfortable with your ‘successes’ and slowing down.

Although it might be tempting to relax, remembering the ‘why’ behind your success and developing from it is better than not acknowledging any successes at all. If you fail to acknowledge them, getting to those points of ‘success’ will become increasingly challenging, as you question the purpose of what you are doing.

In addition, we can be overwhelmed with negative thoughts, and countless studies point towards the various detriments this may bring to mental health and overall long-term health. Therefore, valuing your journey can counteract this, whereby you acknowledge your development.

One inhibitor to this though is comparison.

The content we consume from various sources like social media, movies, and other entertainment cultivate our internal desire for things unattainable in the present moment, which therefore anchors our views on what success should be or look like.

This can reaffirm a dangerous internal narrative:

You wanting what you see deprecates your ambition; it limits it, when in fact it should be free, open, and boundless. In turn, we anchor what success means to us based on what we consume and assume its meaning amongst a general consensus of what success should be.

This reinforces the misconception that success is an end point only, where you fail to work towards what a successful future looks like to you and by not acting now to be ‘successful’ in our current position, we are left to be hopeful and astray in reaching that success.

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As perspective changes, so does success

As we grow older, we place pressure on ourselves to be successful in whatever we do. This could be due to external pressures and circumstances, the fear of failure, amongst a number of personal reasons.

This highlights an ever-changing definition and outlook on success.

Perspective changes as priorities shift, and therefore your idea of success is continually evolving.

We often say things are successes retrospectively, rather than pre-empt them. Perhaps this is due to our ability to reflect on situations more objectively without our emotions within a moment.

In contrast to my earlier point on how we attempt to pre-empt success, this highlights a paradox in which we are never able to really say what success will look like for us; we will fail to actualise our successes until it has been reached, which is due to its subjectivity as well as our changing aims and ambitious.

Therefore, I encourage you to promote the fluidity of your definition of success, where trying new things, reaching milestones, and meeting your personal targets are the many ways success can be displayed.

It takes for you to own those successes and acknowledge the ‘small wins’ along the way for you to appreciate the journey.

Another point this links to is imposter syndrome. Could not appreciating your successes be a factor within it?

Lacking a sense of belonging can be a narrative which can be dispelled with the outlook of having continuous successes; with your effort and hard work, you have reached a position you have aspired to be in.

Furthermore, imposter syndrome also may arise due to us being unable to foresee what is next in our journey or foresee how we would get into the position we are currently in.

As a psychological challenge that is being talked about increasingly, I find its presence intriguing and it is an area I will look into further in relation to success and its occurrence.

This leaves me with a thought on appreciating your successes:

You are influenced by who you listen to, but you should always uplift yourself, as the loudest voice is the one in your head.

Conclusion

Only the person can regard themselves as successful or not, which is not subject to validation from external sources. Not only this, but by attempting to predict what our success looks like based on external sources will only keep us chasing for the next goal, and not appreciating the successes we have.

Alongside this, being definitive in saying someone is ‘successful’ amplifies our scarcity mindset in relation to the word ‘success’, where we fail to understand that you can be successful in various factions of your life.

Where visible success prevails, some fall into the illusion that success is not only an end goal, but also fits a mostly fixed criteria, almost like a checklist.

Just like self-defining your achievements, success is unique to you and as Todd Herman, a performance coach for elite athletes and leaders said: “life is an integration of multiple different parts”.

Overall, success should be based on how something makes us feel, and we can sometimes diminish these feelings as they don’t fit the general or perceived public narrative of what success looks like.

It is for us to remember our understanding of success is always evolving and is something that looks different for everyone, and pioneering your own achievements is how you place value on the work you do to improve yourself.

P.S.

Where does your idea of success originate from?

Have you been consuming more or less social media?