LvC Part 2: Rejection

Ambition guarantees rejection

Abstract

This post is a stark contrast to part one.

We go from a comfortable environment to when significant change was taking place.

We go back to when I failed the 11+.

The journey through school wasn’t so simple and I would argue this was an experience that had major influence in who I am today.

This thought piece delves into the context behind my first major rejection and how it shaped my perspective going from primary to secondary school.

Discussion

Complacency?

I asked my friend if they had been complacent, to which they referred to staying in the same school for sixth form.

As you will see later, their place in a grammar school was once a prized possession.

But it also begs the question:

• It’s comfortable staying in a place you know, but does it promote growth?

They had the mindset of the school being THEIR school.

Irrespective of what they do, they will still have their name on the register come the end of sixth form.

I thought to be fair, you wouldn’t know better.

It could have also come from a place of knowing that there isn’t much wiggle room to go to a better school.

The experience of starting all over again; new friends, new area, new opportunities, all come with their challenges.

Quite unappealing if you ask me.

In my experience, moving school for sixth form was a phase of exploration and being exposed to what is possible for myself.

But if I had been in his position, I would have probably done the same.

We once worked hard to have the future we have now.

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11+ Rejection

What effect does rejection at 11 years old have on you?

I missed the pass mark for the 11+ exams by two marks.

It was expected that I would have the choice of what school I wanted to go to by opening the doors to my list of preferred schools.

But it didn’t turn out that way and nor did I understand the impact of this.

Those two marks could have given me a whole different life.

It was frustration then confusion that got to me more than anything, as I was told I performed worst in the subject I was supposedly the strongest in: Maths.

But in reflection, this was my strongest subject in primary school and this was all I knew.

How about all the preparation I did, including the countless number of books and weekly tutoring?

All those hours coming down to miss a pass mark by two?

I couldn’t tell you what the cause of that was, as far as I’m concerned, I just tried my best in the papers I had to do.

When I explained to my friend my journey from 11+, they said I entered my non-selective secondary school with the capabilities of a grammar school student.

This was something I didn’t realise until it was said.

They had recognised my ability as being one suitable for a grammar school which is something I never saw.

For me, those two marks said it all.

There wasn’t anything else I could do but move on and do the best I can with what I have.

So, what about my friend who got into their desired school?

On their side, they had also faced their own rejection as a result of an entry exam to a different school.

They cried.

What I found interesting is that when I look back, I had never cried as a result of an exam.

Specifically for the 11+ though, it was all just a matter of fact for me.

This raises a point I’ll reiterate from part 1.

We cared for this as our parents cared so much.

Of course, we can laugh about it now as it turned out for the better.

At 10/11 though, personally it was a realisation of letting my parents down.

I say realisation and not feeling, because the whole situation felt abstract at the time.

Things had been moving fast; travelling seemingly everywhere to do tutoring and exams, finishing book after book after book, then just getting a letter to say whether I had been successful or not.

After all that effort, it was just my geography of London and Kent that slightly improved. 😂

But seriously, I didn’t feel such a way for me to break down and cry; it is what it is.

As I said before, this was our largest active commitment to date, and the rejections we faced were just the first of many.

Photo by Ludde Lorentz on Unsplash

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Work Ethic

This links to what my friend and I discussed later.

They identified my work ethic as being a major part of the position I find myself in today.

They were impressed with the discipline I have and my willingness to maintain high standards.

As I sit here today, I know that with ambition will come rejection, but the only way to fulfil those ambitions is with a certain work ethic.

But if someone were to ask me if I worked hard, just like everyone else, my answer would be yes.

So what is the difference?

The question is how so.

How do I work hard and what does it mean to me?

From day one, work ethic has been a core pillar in my mindset no matter what I do.

If I want something, I’ll have to work hard to get it.

Area of low socioeconomic status, ethnic minority, and the few opportunities available to me.

There is no other choice but to work hard.

Work ethic is also something I saw.

My mum had me when she was in university and working part-time to make ends meet.

It was a fragile balancing act vulnerable to anything unforeseen and those ends wouldn’t be a possibility without the work of my dad.

As a refugee, my dad had to work his way up.

Before I was born, it was agency work, travelling hours up and down the country with any possibility the job may get cancelled on his way there.

This was simply for survival.

All I remember and have seen are long shift hours.

Thankfully, the tide from work to live has incrementally shifted to live to work as time has passed, but the work ethic remains the same.

This has come with job changes, overtime, and being tenacious in progressing.

So today, I have a visual representation of reaping the rewards of your hard work.

This would have come with a countless number of rejections, and I know today that this is a part of the process.

But given that the 11+ exams seemed like an out, an opportunity to thrive and build my future, how do you think after all this hard work my parents must have felt?

It was the context that framed the rejection for me.

Although I didn’t cry, there was a weight of guilt.

The only way to put things right was to continue working hard, accentuated by the possibility that my true capabilities may never come to light if I let my standards slip in my new secondary school.

For me, hard work was a necessity not a privilege.

Conclusion

My friend had to understand the advantage of getting into their grammar school and what the advantage looked like in order to take full grasp of it.

From the outside, it is easy to assume that the students who go to top schools, universities, or even jobs, acknowledge the potential that they have in that position.

It is when you’re in the position itself that you have to understand why you had worked so hard to get there in the first place - otherwise you will take your position for granted.

The mindset shift is one that should be taken care of and you should ask yourself:

• Am I creating conditions to satisfice or conditions to develop?

This is because, it is better to be comfortable with the direction you are going in rather than being caught up in a surprise later down the line.

Perhaps the point I didn’t pass the 11+ was a blessing in disguise.

Arguably I may have appreciated the opportunities more when I did go to my grammar school for sixth form, than if I went straight into a grammar school for secondary school.

What do you think?

P.S.

Watch out for Part 3!

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